I live in US/England/Germany and I think that my Vietnamesse girlfriend is cheating on me.
Welcome to what can be a nightmare or a good learning experience. Vietnamese women that you meet at places that Western men hang out are all in the game and the goal is to see how many dumb guys that they can hood wink and milk literally and fugurtively of their cash before there looks go away. Go in to any internet shop in these areas and you will see the girls having emails and SMS message written for them to send off to you there love of all time. Basically the online email reads like this I love you too much send cash as the cow/mother/brother died again and I need money so that I don't have to do what I was doing when I met you my love of all loves. If you don't believe this please send me an email and I will get you set up with a broker that will sell you some wonderful beach front property in Afganistan.
Question:
Women are, by nature, monogamous. They want just one guy. Sure, they might say they want to date many, but in reality, if you show the right qualities, she's going to want to stick to just ONE man and get rid of any competition. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution do not get over-ridden by thirty years of 'liberation.' (Please don't mistake my tone for derisive; I am all for female liberation and equality, and especially where it doesn't sacrifice the better parts of our genders in the process.) A woman wants a man who can provide for her, and her children.
Men are, by nature, poly amorous. (Ooh, big word, dude.) This means that they thrive most when involved with MANY women, ensuring the seeds of their loins are passed on in as many fertile wombs as possible. Okay, that's a bit clinical, but you get the point.
You see, we are first motivated by our biological imperatives. This means that whether or not we attach moral "right-ness" or "wrong-ness" to our actions, there are some basic needs that men and women have that have been pre-programmed into our animal circuitry. Monogamy is a fairly recent invention in the scheme of male-female behaviors.This doesn't mean that we shouldn't aspire to be "faithful," only that a man's desire for novelty and new-ness often overrides our ability to stay with one person. (Note: Recent surveys have determined that female 'infidelity' is at least as frequent as men's.)So why are you stepping out on your woman, R? I believe there are many possibilities, and all of them are valid in different situations:
Your girlfriend is smart and sexy and giving, perhaps, but maybe she is also not CHALLENGING enough to you any more. Some women are too nice for their own good, and they are almost TOO accessible. If she isn't providing enough challenge to your nervous system, you may be reacting subconsciously by taking her for granted. Stepping out then doesn't have anything to do with comparing her to your woman on the side (of lesser quality.) It's says more about what you think about your current girlfriend.
When a woman is thought of as 'too good' by our subconscious sense of self-esteem, we sometimes do things to justify escape from the relationship. You might be intimidated by her, too, wondering if you can live up to her expectations.
You just don't have the monogamous gene right now, dude. Some men are just not ready to "settle down" until MUCH much later in life. You might not be able to commit to her one-on-one. There's nothing wrong with you, contrary to what some of the Feminizes might say ("Men are all cheating dogs!"). It's just that you aren't a guy who wants to have to give up all that life has to offer in female accompaniment.
(Note: This is what the other Pundits call "afraid of commitment." Meaning that unless you can commit to her, you're somehow flawed. I don't view it that way. Some guys are just not up to it until much later. It's YOUR choice.)
You're addicted to the thrill of cheating. Hey, admit it, it's a rush to 'get away with' something illicit. It gives you a sneaky feeling of self-gratification. If you're too addicted to this thrill, however, you're going to end up with something of a self-destructive binge, and you'll end up causing more harm than good.
My recommendation is that you seriously analyze what is going on with you and the current girlfriend, and see if this is, in fact, a relationship you want to commit to. If not, you owe it to her to let her know if you are unable to be monogamous with her. Deception is never a part of the Dynamic Man's game when it comes to dating.You see, I have no problem with men (*or women*) having safe, casual sex with as many people as they desire. Every person has their own standards. But you must handle every dating situation with HONESTY. To not be honest about the situation with the important people in your life is more damaging to your self-esteem in the long run. You sabotage your sense of honor. It takes a toll on your self-confidence when you play the deception game, and it will reflect in your attitude when you approach women. (And sooner or later, she WILL find out. I suggest a pre-emptive strike to put things to right.)
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